I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
