Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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