it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
