We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
