i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
