So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
