matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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