She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
