my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
