you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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