I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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