I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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