you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
