You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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