She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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