I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
