i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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