I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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