All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize