I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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