google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
