yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
