i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
