Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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