genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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