well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
