shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize