Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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