u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
