Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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