The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
