break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
