goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
