Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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