you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
