But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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