margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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