I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
