Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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