And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
