I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize