Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
