I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
