jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
