how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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