alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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