if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
