If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
