thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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