can u get pink eye on your cock?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
