And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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