peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize