I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
