i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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