I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
