We won't sleep together?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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