____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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