My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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