I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my being single is dangerous.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And then he peed in my hair
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