is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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