don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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