HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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