Don't you send me to vm
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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