btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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