and you said cock pushups were impossible
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
