Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
