Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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