Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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