Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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