haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize