Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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