Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
