Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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